odd sort of hiatus

Time is playing tricks on me….. over 40, really? Tehheh. Every day, really, calls for an adjustment in the face of life’s adversities, and an amazing opportunity to embrace the possibilities. Sometimes I find myself waking from some mental or emotional torpor, wondering if I have been truly consciously living. And then I think, well, here I am!
I spent four amazing months in Thailand and Laos this past year, all on borrowed money. It was a great trip, but I found myself with some real subconscious reservations about my spend what I don’t have processes. And entertained some anxiety I didn’t think I had….. maybe as I age I become little more security conscious. Scraping by is fine, but I realize borrowing for leisure is not my thing. I am not so “in the moment” as I would have liked to think I was. My Thai massage teacher, without provocation, and demonstrating his usual near flawless intuition, insisted in front of class that I had been lazy the past year.
So the last few months I practically abandoned my itinerant massage practice and hunkered down for some concentrated and reliable construction/carpentry work. my first REAL work for years. And soon I may be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors. My summer holds tons of mystery in anticipation of a paycheck, truly endless possibilities. I can’t even decide til I wake up that day, with money in hand and obligations completed. The epic disaster in the Gulf of Mexico really begs questions about a sustainable lifestyle. with all my travel and jet setting, I cannot claim to this lifestyle. I would like, in any case, to spend quite bit of time this summer on a bicycle, or as a pedestrian, spend some time stepping back from our fuel driven madness and generally consciousness lacking life patterns. And sharing massage and healing and general philosophy with lots of folks.
here I am in Austin, waiting for some big wave I know will come, across the long and windy plains of Texas. I will spend the next couple weeks working hard, grateful that I have work, grateful for all that my life has brought, and hopeful for a future that takes shape in my mind. There is great sadness in our world, it suffuses my every waking thought, but we must rejoice in all we can, and laugh along with the relentless tides of fate….